Emily L

What are you sharing?
What is your birth trauma story?
When I was 32 weeks pregnant I woke up in the middle of the night to a very abnormal amount of fluid, this continued until morning where I became really quite concerned. I rang the hospital who told me it was probably nothing but to come in and get it checked out anyway. When I arrived at the hospital and told the midwives what had happened and that I was concerned my membranes had ruptured she scoffed at me and told me it was very unlikely and that she highly doubts it. She made me feel quite stupid in the way she spoke down and dismissed my worries. It was not until the Doctor finally arrived to check me over and was pretty much certain straight away my waters had broken. Once this was confirmed I was then admitted into hospital pumped with antibiotics and finally let out to go home after 3 days. There were things I was instructed to look out for but was told not to be worried about the amount of fluid I’m loosing which just didn’t feel right to me. I kept ringing the hospital to speak to the midwives and explain how much fluid I was loosing they told me again not worry. It wasn’t until I made the executive decision to go to the hospital, it was about 8:30pm on a weekend. The midwives in labour and delivery were lovely and thorough. However a few hours later after multiple different tests I was told they were going to be bringing my 32 week old daughter into the world pretty much right then. It was a very scary ordeal however my first birth also ended traumatically in a emergency cesarean having experienced a placental abruption so I did know what to expect. The anaesthetist came to see me and had decided that a general anaesthetic surgery was best and I was put to sleep. My darling girl was rushed off to NICU immediately and pricked with so many needles and I couldn’t even be there to support her. It wasn’t until 13 hours after she was born that I got to see her for the first time. She was a tiny 3.7 pound baby in a incubator.
What/who do you feel is responsible for your birth trauma?
I think a lot of the trauma stemmed from not being able to see my baby for so long. The NICU nurses were waiting for me to come up I had been asking doctors and midwives when can I go see her and was just told soon every single time. It was until it had been 12 hours since she was born I started crying and demanded they took me to see her.
What has been the impact of birth trauma on your life?
I think at the start I did struggle to bond with my daughter of course I loved her more then anything however that is something that definitely faded away quickly. I’m not sure if it was even a coping mechanism due to the chaotic time. I also have decided I won’t be having another baby again as I can’t bare to go through anything like that again or even worst. It does make me upset that I never got to experience birth how I envisioned it and how it’s portrayed in the media but I’m slowly learning to be comfortable with that.
What suburb/town/city did this occur in?
What country did this occur in?